Adulting Through It {Divorce}

Tuesday, November 8, 2016
Today marks my first official post divorce-wedding anniversary. It would have been 3 years of marriage today. It is somewhat poetic that my former anniversary happens to fall on Election Day. Regardless of the date, I have joy in my heart as I reflect on the moments today symbolizes for me.

I thoroughly enjoyed my wedding; I partied with my closest friends and family. I drank, ate and had a great time, in a great dress with great people.  Did I know then my marriage wouldn't last, maybe? A part of me knew I wasn't getting everything I wanted (or needed). I craved more moments with my husband, more memories, more togetherness, which we really didn't have, even on that day.

Am I sad that my marriage ended? Some days, yes. Then I have moments like today where I see the courage in my decision to leave. Bravery in deciding to choose happiness. My heart is opening more and I continue to recover from the last few years (and months). All I want is to fall in love with someone that wants to share his life (good, bad, and ugly) with me. 

I wholeheartedly believe that part of being an adult is sacrifice and over the last few years I have made a ton of sacrifices in the name of a relationship and that is what really makes me sad. Knowing I sacrificed and still lost. Knowing someone didn't want to be there for me and put as much on the table as I did. Knowing that it failed, that we failed, no matter how much we tried.

Despite the desolation I feel, I still have faith in an authentic love. I still plan to give myself to another, sacrifice, commit, and love. Even if it doesn't work out, its worth it. I have learned so much about my own capacity for love and willingness to work on making it succeeded. I’m still navigating the world as a single person but I’m finding my self closer to God and the spirits of kind souls, and for that I’m grateful.  Looking back my wedding was an extraordinary party. Looking forward, I still believe in the enrichment and value of marriage. I still want lasting love and believe I can have it (and he can too).  So say a prayer for me and my ex-husband today. 

In other news: Make sure you vote today.  Although reminiscing about my marriage is difficult, what is more distressing is the current political climate. I early voted since I knew I would be traveling but to those standing up to be counted today, kudos. As I watch the country’s decision unfold from New York of all places, I just hope common sense prevails.  #WithHer


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